Undisclosed Desires
by theelusivewindrose
Summary: Symmetra's time with Overwatch is at an end and she must return to Vishkar. Once there, she learns that her perception of reality may be skewed. Can she truly return to being a Vishkar agent? Rated 'M' for eventual graphic romance. SymmetraxJunkrat pairing. Loosely based on Undisclosed Desires by MUSE.


Satya stood over her suitcase, checking its contents for the third time in the last hour. There would be no returning for any belongings left behind, or care packages which could make it to Vishkar. The room was bare of any personal effects, she had little to begin with, but looking around made the ache in her belly more pronounced.

She had said her goodbyes last night. Lena and Reinhardt insisting on throwing her a going away dinner. The festivities had been raucous and went well on into the night, even after she had gone to her room. She had wanted to celebrate as well, but there was one participant who stood out, if only for his absence.

Satya recalled walking over to Mako, ready to inquire. The large man said nothing, only hung his head and shook it before she could utter the words. She gave the junker a large wrapped parcel with his name on it, thanking him in a small voice for everything he had done for her. He tore the package open revealing the large Pachimari plush toy she had won for him in town. He had almost knocked the machine over when he'd lost and she and Jamison had to pull him away forcibly, and before anyone called authorities. She'd gone back just to get it for him. It took her only one try, but she wasn't about to share that information. The large junker held it to himself and laughed softly before pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. Standing here in the dimness of her room she could still feel a small bruise in her side as she zipped up the suitcase.

She had excused herself from the party shortly after that, making remarks about an early start and needing to catch the train to the airport. She had made it to her room before letting the few hot tears she held back fall.

Thinking about it now made the anger and hurt return. She swallowed it down, trying to repeat her itinerary over and over to suppress her emotions. She looked at herself in the mirror smoothing down her Vishkar uniform and reminding herself that it was for the best. After all, she thought, making eye contact in the mirror with a girl who looked lost, what would she have done if he'd told her to stay?

After gathering up her suitcase and coat she made her way out, scanning the empty room one last time. She walked out of the barracks towards the hangar. Morrison was already waiting there, civilian clothes on checking something in the Jeep's hatch. Another body occupied the front seat and Satya turned to look at them in surprise.

"Ana?" she asked as Morrison took her suitcase from her. She had almost hoped it would be someone else, but she let the thought pass.

"Good morning, dear. I wanted to see you off this morning and see you safely on your train."

"There was no need, I am sure Morrison wouldn't let anything happen to me."

"Yes, but Jack cannot protect you from his own bad driving."

"I drive just fine when there isn't a finicky copilot," came Jack's gruff reply as he held the backseat open for Satya. She climbed in and buckled as he made his way around.

Ana made a tutting sound, "Who are you calling finicky?"

Satya smiled softly at their banter as the base shrank behind them and the village grew larger.

The three of them departed quietly outside the train station, Ana embracing Satya like any doting grandmother would. It was comforting and at the same time tightened the knot in her stomach. Vishkar was her home, she reminded herself, but it was feeling more and more like she needed convincing.

She made her way inside the terminal. It was separated into three sections, one where tickets could be purchased, another where food was served and loved ones could say goodbye, and the final departing section. She made her way inside, checking the clock on a wall overhead. She was about 45 minutes early, but the train would arrive 20 minutes before departure and she could take her seat.

She passed the ticketing section into the throng of families and business people leisurely waiting. She found no tables that weren't covered in litter or old food, so she decided to lean against a wall in a secluded area. The noise died away a bit and she was left with nothing but her thoughts. A poor choice, she thought as she leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

"Oi, so what's a Sheila like you doing in a place like this?"

Satya stood up straight looking around for the voice and finding the man leaning on his left side against a wall a few feet away. He wore a plain black t-shirt over his normal shabby shorts. Her mind couldn't settle on an emotion long enough to form a sentence so she merely stated his name.

"Jamison." She was glad her voice didn't shake.

"Satya." He muttered back.

She swallowed trying to find calm, but he chose the moment to walk towards her and she subconsciously retreated, though she didn't know why.

"I thought I was gonna 'ave to search the 'ole place for ya. Instead ya waltzed right by me. Thought I'd miss ya."

He stopped just close enough that she could make out the freckles on his freshly cleansed face. He smelled faintly of soap still and something else. That unidentified smell that hid under the smell of sulfur and gasoline all the time.

Satya was annoyed with him, but also at herself for allowing an attachment form to this unbridled chaotic man. It was there, she couldn't deny it, not even to herself.

However, she didn't have to let him know that.

"What are you doing here?" She finally managed to say.

Jamison ran his good hand roughly through his hair.

"Don't rightly know to be 'onest. Was hoping to see you off is all I 'spose."

She tried to avoid looking at him while simultaneously longing to adjust the collar of his t-shirt. It was too big for him, leaving one lightly freckled clavicle exposed.

Annoyed at her own wanderings, she looked away at the clock. It was nearly time for the train to come in.

"You could have said goodbye last night, like everyone else."

She spared a peripheral glance to catch his expression. His hand was in his hair again and his brow furrowed.

"Coulda done, yeah. Except I wouldn't have wanted 'em all to see."

A warmth began in her chest and spread quickly. He always managed to make her feel that way in his presence, as though whatever fire lurked within him could reach out and possess her. She felt him move closer and she turned to meet his eyes, there was a definite fire there and she longed to touch it. More than touch it, revel in it, let it consume her completely.

Her eyes drifted closed as he placed his hands on her shoulders and slid them down, squeezing at her biceps. She felt her heart hammering as she waited, unsure of what else to do. A soft kiss brushed the skin at her temple.

"Don't go." He murmured.

She opened her eyes in time to place her fingertips to his lips before they could meet hers. Her fingertips tingled with the movement and he opened his eyes, pulling back. Her lips felt bare and cold

"I have to. I belong with Vishkar."

She had almost said "to" instead of "with" but suppressed that thought. She owed everything she was to them. They had taken a chance on her and built her up from nothing. Without them, she would still be nothing. An orphan, in the slums, unrefined and worthless.

Jamison pulled back but didn't release her. "That's rubbish, you belong with Overwatch. Tell me 'onestly if you'll be as happy there as you are 'ere. With us."

She shrugged of his touch and once again felt cold. "Happiness has nothing to do with reality. My work with Vishkar is instrumental in many lives. I can do more for the world than –"

"Rubbish," he said again more firmly this time. "I've seen the way you look when you talk about 'em. Something's not right. It's just a feeling that I 'ave. If they're on the same team, then why do they want to pull you back so quick."

Satya didn't have an answer to that. The same question had plagued her time and again. She'd never asked for an extension, mostly because she knew it would be denied.

"Vishkar is making the world a better place, they need me."

"Overwatch needs you – I "

The announcement that her train had arrived came over the speaker just behind her. She waited for Jamison to finish speaking, but his words trailed of. Had he almost said _he_ needed her?

She met his gaze again, it was pleading and she battled with herself just like she had over the last few days.

 _I could stay_ , she thought erratically. _I could go back to Overwatch and send back all of the Vishkar equipment._

But just like all the other times, she reminded herself that it meant sending back her prosthetic. Sending back the piece of her that let her create. Sending back the one thing that made her useful to Overwatch at all. Sending back the thing that made her whole.

The thought of being without her prosthetic made her shudder. Even more, Vishkar would not take lightly the departure of one of their own. There was no resigning. No one ever had. No one would ever want to.

Satya broke the connection and reached down to search her bag. She pulled out a delicately wrapped package, smaller than the one she'd given Roadhog. She held it out to him.

He stared at the package, brow furrowing once more.

"What's that?" he asked making no motion to grab it.

"It's for you. Take it."

"Satya, please, I'm just asking you to consider –"

"I have considered it Jamison," She finally let out, speaking quickly in case she lost her nerve. "I've enjoyed my time with Overwatch, but it is not as simple to leave Vishkar. They raised me, trained me, tutored me, homed me, clothed me and fed me. That is a debt I can _never_ repay. I have to go back and fulfill my promise to them and the people we serve."

He looked back at her and shook his head, "You don't belong to them, Satya. You deserve control of your own life. You deserve a lot more than that as well. I could help ya y'know – if they ever came lookin' they'd never take ya, they'd have to cark me firs'."

Satya reached across and grabbed him gently by the wrist meeting his eyes with urgency, "They would not hesitate to do so."

She pressed the package into his hands as the 10 minute warning went off above them. She looked him deep in the eyes once more.

"Thank you, Jamison."

"Yea," he said bitterly, staring at the ground. "For wha'?"

Satya splayed her her right hand over his chest. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a swift kiss against his cheek. "For everything," she breathed against his cheek.

Turning fluidly out of his reach she grabbed her coat and suitcase and made swiftly for the gate.

Jamison watched her go, her hips swaying as she walked briskly for the train. He knew there was no use chasing her now. Her mind was made up and it made his chest ache something fierce. It wasn't until the train had completely gone out of sight that he turned to exit the station. As he left and caught sight of Roadhog on his bike he remembered the package in his hand. Undoing the ribbon, bright blue, like one of the dresses she wore on missions, he placed it in his pocket then undid the brown wrapping.

Inside was a perfectly formed diamond prism, blue like the light from her weapon. It caught the light perfectly so he held it up. Inside, in perfect etching was a single lotus flower. He let out a single breath through his nose in bitter amusement. A memento. As if he could ever forget her.

He sat on the steps of the station and buried his face in his hands.


End file.
